What are Affirmations?
When searching for ways to increase your happiness and self-esteem, one of the many techniques that comes up over and over again is the use of affirmations. Affirmations are a form of positive self-talk which may be used to increase happiness by restructuring how you view yourself.
How frequently are you speaking badly about yourself? How often are you making comments that are you aren’t good enough, not worthy enough, not pretty enough, special enough, skinny enough, or even a good person overall? Do you even recognize that you are saying all these things? Do you recognize how frequently you are saying them?
This repeated abuse really takes a toll on your self-image. It is interesting to step back and actually look at all the negative things you may tell yourself on a daily basis. I’m sure you would never treat another individual this way, but yet you do it to yourself?
Why is it OK to treat your self so negatively?
In order to change this pattern of self-destructive behavior, one may use positive self-talk – or more commonly termed, positive self affirmations.
Positive Effects of Affirmations
At first it may feel silly and pointless to say affirmations and tell yourself that you are beautiful, special, important, and a good person. However, the more you say them, the more you will start to believe them over time. Practicing positive self-talk or affirmations daily may be difficult at first, especially if you don’t really believe what you are saying, but stick with them, and trust that you are breaking down the negative programming you’ve learned. Finding affirmations that are reasonable and that you may even agree with may be helpful. It is also helpful to begin with one or two positive statements and say those until you begin to believe them and feel more comfortable increasing the amount.
You CAN Make a Change; Affirmations Can Help!
Self-destructive talk is a bad habit, a negative pattern, and a learned trait that is supported and enforced by outside sources such as friends, co-workers, society, and even your close family – but worse than that, you are supporting it yourself. However, the best part about any habit and pattern is that it can be changed!
Is it always easy? No. But can it be done? YES!
It takes work, dedication, attention, and a high commitment level from you to follow through and not give up. It has to be your choice, and your self-enforced motivation and drive to make it happen. No one can make the changes for you. No one can change the patterns and habits for you. Only you can do it for yourself. It has to be personal, real, and you need to have your own purpose and drive for it to work properly. Otherwise, it’s just a waste of time and another additional outside voice telling you how to be, how to think, and how to live.
Habits are hard to break, and negative habits seem to be the hardest to overcome. You’ve obtained, created, supported, and enforced those negative habits for a long time, if not the majority of your life – but now it’s time to undo them. However, it takes time. It takes patience. It takes commitment, and work. But don’t let that bother you – it can still be done. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal, to adjust, to change, and to reprogram – but do so while maintaining a motivated drive to make a change within you. People often give up very quickly because they don’t see massive results in a short period of time, but realistically, they give up just before a real breakthrough occurs. The times when it seems so pointless, stupid, and difficult and without hope, are the times when the greatest breakthroughs are just around the corner. Don’t give up even though it may feel like giving up is the easier way out. It always seems easier to cave in and return back to our regular programming, but do your best to fight the urge to fall back down and hide in a false sense of security and internal safety. It may feel stupid or silly to tell yourself affirmations daily, but don’t give up or allow those judgments and feelings to take over you. Be honest, open, and true to yourself and really try to let the words sink in and become a part of the meaning and value you assign to yourself. You already are assigning meaning to yourself with your negative habits, thoughts, comments, and actions – it’s just a matter of changing that meaning to something that is truly benefiting you, instead of harming you and holding you back in life.
It’s simply about changing your patterns, and changing your focus points and structure for repetition. Repetition is the mother of skill and the father of results. Persistence is the key to success at any level. Do not allow giving up or settling back into your negative habits to be an option. You’ve become great at putting yourself down because you’ve put a lot of time into doing so. It’s become so normal to you that it’s automatic and effortless now. It’s clear because ‘being positive’ can feel like ‘work’ and like a struggle to maintain, when really, you’re just going against the normal flow of repetitive actions and thoughts you’ve carried and maintained for years.
All attack is a cry for help, and you more than anyone else may be attacking yourself in a continuous way. You’re asking for help, you’re asking for attention, you’re asking for love – give it to yourself. With every major decision in your life, or small event in your day, you are doing one of two things: giving love, or asking for love. And all your negative comments about yourself certainly aren’t giving yourself love are they? No, I don’t think so. You must be asking for love. A little trick is that you can give and receive love to yourself at any time!
You, more than anyone else, deserve your own love.
Use positive affirmations. Use them often enough to help begin the process of switching your mental view of yourself from a negative one, into a positive one. Use a preset list targeted specially towards an area you want to work on such as self-esteem, health, relationships, or create your own customized one. Feel free to take baby steps to not overload yourself and start out by saying a few lines before building towards full lists. Saying them in private and in a place where you aren’t afraid of anyone walking in on you will allow you to relax and really absorb the meaning behind what is being said. Placing reminders around your environment may help to increase the frequency and the likelihood that you will say the affirmations. Placing a note on the bathroom mirror, or a reminder in your phone may help. You may also use stimuli from your environment such as the telephone ringing, or stopping at a stop sign as a reminder. Every time one of these events occurs, you say your affirmation. Be creative and utilize your everyday life to help remind you to be positive. Over time, the event will begin to automatically trigger those positive thoughts and you will begin to decrease the frequency of negative self-talk. This will help to increase self-esteem and happiness overall.
But the truth is, it’s not only what you think and say to yourself that makes a true change in your life and your battle against destructive self-talk and your negative view about yourself. People often believe they can change themselves completely through simple verbal affirmations alone – but that is untrue – and that is the mistake everyone makes with affirmations. Learning to change your thoughts is only the first step in the process of reversing destructive self-talk and your negative view about yourself. The complete process should be considered a lifestyle change, as that is the only way to truly make a drastic difference with the negativity consuming you. Simple verbal statements are not enough, and without the lifestyle change behind the verbal affirmations, you are merely making pretty statements to cover up the causes and sources for your pain, and it will only continue to haunt you. We can discuss this further in the next post about how to improve your life through the affirmation process of changing your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs.
Important things to remember:
- Affirmations may be used to increase happiness by restructuring how you view yourself.
- It may feel silly and pointless to say affirmations at first, but the more you say them, the more you will start to believe them over time.
- Allow yourself plenty of time to heal, to adjust, to change, and to reprogram.
- Don’t give up or quit! Persistence is key!
- Say your affirmations in private, place various reminders to help increase the frequency you say them, be creative with your reminders.
- Learning to change your thoughts is only the first step in the process of reversing destructive self-talk and your negative view about yourself.
- To improve your life you must change your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs – not just your thoughts. (more posts coming)
- You, more than anyone else, deserve your own love.
**Note from Shaun: This post was co-written by a new team member to I Love Myself.net, Jessica, who holds a M.S. in Psychology, and a M.S. in Mental Health Counseling. She will be a consultant, adviser, and co-author of future articles.**
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