I occasionally receive letters from people, and see plenty of messages and blogs online that talk about relationships, and their heartbroken feelings when things go sour. Messages that say that another person made them complete, made them whole, gave them a new life, and now that they are gone they don’t know how they can live or ever love again etc.

… how cute.

But, I have some comments that might bust your little romantic bubble.

No one has ever come into your life and changed your world. You changed your own world. No one can ever hurt you without your consent. You can’t be healed without your own consent either. Any hurting or healing that goes on in your life is only done so with your consent, and usually done through yourself. So your comments that another person was the creator of your happiness, joy, or wonderful life experiences – sorry, it was all you that did it.

What’s funny, is how many of you might be offering resistance to the statements that you alone are the creator of your own happiness. You might feel that I am not giving credit to the other person when you feel that they are the wonderful and magnificent angels from heaven that opened your heart and showed you the true meaning of love.

Psh. *eye roll*

No one creates anything new in you with a relationship. Relationships only bring out what’s already within you. No one forces new emotions into your life that weren’t there before. Right now in this moment, you are capable of every single emotion possible, and yes, that means happiness. What makes you think that someone or something outside of you, is the only thing that can unlock and reveal those emotions and that power that reside within you at all times? You are capable of feeling happiness and joy whenever you choose to. Nothing new is given to you by anyone else.

What you are excited about is someone that allows you to be yourself. What you love is you-being-you, and more than that, you love that you accept who you are. The pain-causing issue is that you give an outside source the credit for the self love you’ve become reconnected with. You have begun to see the joy and love that resides in you at all times but since you only allow your own love to come through at certain times, with certain people – you begin to feel that those situations or people are the creators of your joy and happiness, possibly creating dependency or addiction to them, when really, it’s just you letting your barriers down and allowing your self love to shoot to the surface.

Self love is like a life preserver, and it’s made to float and remain on the surface and will carry your whole life and keep you afloat in any ocean or storm. It won’t sink. But it can be held down underwater with resistance. But once the resistant is removed, it will shoot to the surface.

Remove the resistance!

You see, the world has this idea that the description of love is only one thing: possession. To love is to own. To love is to control. To love is to attempt to hold on to the parts or conditions of another that make one feel better about the self. So really, when one says “I Love You” they are really saying, “I love the parts of you that I’m holding on to and use to allow my own self love to rise to the surface.” or even more clearly put, “I’m using you to love myself.”

And no, I’m not saying this about all people – but possibly the majority.

Love for most people is simply a barter system. A trade. An unwritten act of, “I’ll be this for you, and do these things for you, if you be this for me, and do these things for me.” If everyone plays out their roles, everything goes smoothly and each member may feel “in love” and blissfully happy.

But what happens when those conditions change? What do you feel then? What happens to your state of mind, and you state of being? What happens to your overall life?

I think many of you know exactly what happens. Maybe you are experiencing it right now.

But you know what – it’s ok.

You have done nothing wrong. I promise you. The truth is, you have been taught to think, live, and be the way that ultimately is causing your own pain. You have been taught to seek happiness from outside sources. You have been taught to depend on everything else except yourself for love, happiness, joy, and truth. You’ve also learned that love is conditional. And for those lessons, you can pretty much thank everything, including corporations, the media, your religion, and even your parents.

I think we all need to be a little more selfish.

*gasp!* What did he just say??

Everyone has the wrong idea about selfishness. In society, it’s been decided that it’s wrong to love the self, take care of the self, and use resources or talent on the self for happiness, pleasures, success, or joy. In other words, people are basically saying to each other, “How dare you do things to make yourself happy – you should be doing things to make ME happy.”. and “Don’t please you, but instead please ME!” and “How dare you focus on yourself. You should be focusing on ME.”

What??

How twisted is this thinking?

But that is what our society is based on at many levels. We have been taught to think this way. In your mind, it may seem right that you should give up your possessions, hard work, pleasures, enjoyments, happiness, and joy for another, (or does it?). But that is only a recipe for your self love to completely disappear from your life. No where else is this more clear than in modern relationships.

“What? You want to pursue your own dreams, goals, and happiness? How dare you want to do things for yourself. You are supposed to use your energy, time, money, and life to make ME happy. You are here to make ME happy! I’m offended at how selfish you are to think of yourself and your own happiness.”

Pretty silly right? You’d be surprised at how many relationships and marriages are based on that exact thing.

It’s time to take control and create your life the way you want it to be instead of following the social programming that has been forced onto you by corporations, organizations, and outside sources. It’s time to start creating relationships, instead of business contracts and barter programs posing as ‘love’. It’s time you start expressing the love, the joy, the uniqueness of who you truly are without hesitation, doubt, worry, or fear, instead of waiting for everything else outside of you to define your inner worth.

You are beautiful.

You are wonderful.

You are a true gift to this world.

You are a magnificent creator of truth, joy, and love.

You don’t need anyone, or anything outside of you to be complete, whole, and perfect. You already are those things.

Never let anyone, or anything ever tell you differently.

Go within and find out for yourself. You know all this to be true – I know you can feel it. But once you feel it, you immediately worry about what someone else will think or say in response to you finding it. Your programming jumps in and says, “Hey, wait a minute – you’re not supposed to think that way! Get back to that depressive state and hate yourself. The only way to feel happiness is through a pill, or drugs or alcohol, or clothes available for purchase at your local mall, or status based achievements and certificates acquired through society, and ultimately only through ‘God’.”

It’s all untrue, and you know it.

Get centered, and live your truth. Live your joy. Stop living your fears, and start living your life!!

If you seek to get into a relationship, that’s awesome! But get into a relationship that allows you to create and express who you are at all times, and will support and love you no matter what. Get into one that requires nothing, but has gratitude for everything. Get into one that gives you total freedom to create yourself entirely from within, without expectations, needs, or desires from other people or outside sources telling you who to be, what traits to keep and hold on to, or a list of unwritten conditions that are required to be followed. Get into one that isn’t based on fear, or the need for security, or to avoid boredom or loneliness, but one that is full of life, passion, love, adventure, and oneness that only encourages, aids, and supports more creation, more passion, more laughter, more adventure, more connection, more truth, more emotion, more smiles, more bliss, and more joy that comes from the very core of your being, that only resides within you. Get into one that makes you realize that you were never incomplete before, and need nothing outside of you to feel complete. Get into one that allows you to share your completeness, not only with your partner, but with the world.

Settle for nothing less.

I promise they exist. I found one. I promise you deserve it too!

Need nothing, be grateful for everything.

Get out of your mind, and into your heart.

Love is always the answer, and it’s always within you.

I’m Shaun, just a spirit trying to be human… thanks for reading.

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Surrender.

Let life flow.

To surrender is not to give up your power, it’s utilizing it.

It’s embracing your power.

Some may think that to let go and surrender to life will result in nothing ever being acquired, and nothing ever being done, and that through action alone is the process of life happening for you. But to surrender is not saying that action is never required for life to unfold for you – because action certainly is required. I am merely pointing out the difference between taking action out of choice, vs taking action out of need.

What one is really saying behind the cover word of ‘action’ is the truth about the need to control. What you are really letting go of when you surrender yourself to life, is your need to control people, situations, and events. When you truly surrender, you give up the need to control others so they speak, act, and live the way you need them to for your own sense of happiness, and self. You give up the need to control situations, so the outcome always benefits you or at least doesn’t harm  you. You give up need all together.

To give up need, that is to surrender.

To give up need, that is freedom.

To surrender, is to offer no resistance.

To offer no resistance, is freedom. 

To try to control situations in life is to offer resistance to life. You see, life will always be flowing in favor of you. Life will always be bringing you towards your desires and offering you endless amounts of wellbeing. It’s your job to simply align yourself with life, to receive and accept this wellbeing.

And because you are the creator of your life, and attract and draw life situations towards you through your vibration, expectations, and attention, when you offer resistance to situations in life, you are really offering resistance to yourself.

It hurts doesn’t it?

The proper way to take action in life is to align with who you are first, then take action through the full understanding of who you are. Through this method you will find that the situations and people that come to you will bring you nothing less than joy. Taking action when you are not aligned with you really are, is basically choosing a path that will always lead to unhappiness. Usually when you are not in alignment with who you really are, you are in a state of fear. Your thoughts and attention are usually towards what you don’t want to experience in life. You are furiously making decisions through the eyes of your insecurities, in attempt to heal yourself through any means necessary, or simply cover up and distract you from your pain by any means necessary. For example, you may get into a relationship, even with someone that you know isn’t the best match for you, simply to avoid being alone, and lose yourself in attempt to hold onto such false security of avoiding being lonely. You may resort to drugs or alcohol in attempt to cover up your pain, and distract you from the physical manifestation of your creations through your lack of connection to who you really are.

Haven’t we all felt stuck in a job we don’t really want?  Did we take that job because we wanted to as an expression of who we truly are? Or simply because we felt we ‘had’ to?

Your feelings are you guidance systems, and anytime you feel pain, frustration, sadness, or pretty much anything less than happy, hopeful, and joy – you are not in alignment with who you really are. You are not in alignment with yourself, and are seeking an alternative meaning or identity – and are giving up yourself in the process. Your suffering is also an indication that you are offering resistance to your life situations.

Whether your situation is experiencing a job you hate, or going through a divorce, your resistance to the flow of life is causing you pain.  

Surrender.

Let go.

Trust that everything is flowing in favor of your wellbeing, because it is. Many people feel lost, confused, and utterly destroyed because of certain situations that unfold in life, such as a divorce or a relationship ending for example. They don’t know how the situation came to be or how they could ever continue on in life, and they fall into a deep depression. But trust that life is working in your favor and you will be given opportunities that match your desires and vibrational state.

But there is the key you see, you will always be given situations and opportunities in life that match your vibrational state.

What you focus on, you experience. What you focus on, you become.

There will always be things in life that happen that we may not consciously understand. But later on as you go on through life, you may realize that without those so-called ‘negative’ situations happening, you wouldn’t be where you are today. I’ve heard countless stories of people that have gone through massively difficult situations, only to come back later on and say they are grateful for the ‘horrible’ experience because it truly helped me align with who they truly are and gave them such a better life, where before, they weren’t aligned at all and was suffering greatly. Only through surrendering to life, allowing situations to come and go, did they truly find their answers – their peace.

The storms come and go, so the flowers can grow.  The storms of life are necessary and can ultimately bring beauty and prosperity to your life.

If you are lying to yourself, your life will let you know, especially if you are lying to yourself in attempt to hold onto something or someone that does not serve you and your highest good.

Do not lie to yourself.

Do not try to force yourself to become something you are not.

Surrender.

Let go.

Trust.

Get in alignment with who you truly are and do so often. Get in touch with yourself, your true desires, your inner being, and create your world through that connection and awareness.

Go within as much as possible. Meditate. Meditate. Meditate. I can’t tell you enough how massively important it is to implement and follow through with that practice. I don’t care about your thoughts about it being something hippies or spiritual and religious ‘weirdos’ do. I don’t care if it seems silly, stupid, useless, or lame to you. DO IT! If you want to get in touch with who you really are, and change your vibration to whatever you want it to be, meditate. Go within and seek no other direction or source as your main guiding voice in your life. You are your own voice. You are the creator and you are always creating – you never stop. It is your choice to take conscious control of this or not. Stop watching life happen to you, and start making life happen for you.

Go within.

Two minutes a day to start out will do wonders. You don’t have to sit down in the lotus position and pretend to be the Buddha. Just relax, and follow your breath. Let your thoughts flow like a river and watch it slowly get more calm as you watch it pass. When you find yourself being swept away by it, jump out on the shores, and return to your breathing. Just be.

Breathe.

Surrender.

Allow.

When life starts throwing opportunities at you, you can then make clear decisions and take direction from your centered state. You will be creating your life the way you want it to be, not responding to your life through fear. When you are centered and have a full grasp of your inner self, you will know the answers to the questions you have. You will know if your relationship is worth the effort, you will know if your job is worth your time, and you will know that you don’t need anything outside of yourself to be happy. You will know which directions to take in life because you will follow the path that joy gives you, and toss the rest with full knowledge that you will be OK – you’ll always be OK.

When you no longer need anything, you will have gratitude for everything. When you no longer need anything, you will be free.

Freedom is what we all seek, is it not? We all want more time, we all want to be able to pursue whatever it is we want to do, at the time we want to do it. We want to go anywhere, and do anything that our heart desires. We don’t want to be controlled, limited, or used. We want to express, create, and enjoy.

Go within and find your path. It’s there. It’s always been there. You have been waiting for yourself all this time, but your error has been in looking in all the wrong places. It’s time you find yourself once again, and let go of the false self you’ve created in attempt to find yourself. Its time you surrender, and allow your true self to break free. Its time you stop focusing on everything you don’t want to have happen in your life, and start creating what you do want to happen. You can only hold back the storms for so long before they take you anyway. Let go. Release the pain and struggle. Allow yourself to be washed down the stream of life. I promise you will be OK. I promise you will get what you desire.

How do I know? Because it works. I’ve done this myself. I wouldn’t sit here and write all this out unless I have tried it myself and know how powerful such simple things are. I’ve been through the hard times. I’ve battled the depression, the medications, the therapists. I’ve been through the divorce, the relationship failures, the heartbreak. I’ve been through losing all the money, losing a job, and sleeping on the streets, (literally). I know what its like to continuously beat the drum of “I’m not happy with this, I don’t want to experience this, I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want this.” I know what its like to search for an answer so desperately that life itself seemed to depend on it.

And I’m here to tell you, as living proof – the answer is Love. The answer is within you right now. You simply need to surrender yourself, trust, and go within. That’s where your love is. That’s where your truth is. That’s where you are.

Surrender.

Then be that which you are…

LOVE.

Related posts:

1. Finding Happiness Within Your Problems
2. Your Life Could Always Be Worse…
3. The Greatest Source of Unhappiness in Your Life

A very effective method in getting your mindset and vibration flipped around from a negative one, into a positive one, is to express what you are grateful for.

Often times we get so caught up in focusing on all the things we don’t want, instead of what we truly want.  And remember, what you focus on, you become.

“I want to be happy” vs. “I don’t want to be sad anymore” are completely different statements, with completely different energies, and result in completely different outcomes.

Keeping a gratitude journal is very simple.  All you need to do is take a notebook, journal or diary, or even your word processor on your computer and begin listing all the things you are grateful for, being as specific as you can. Be sure to let your mind go towards every little thing with a truly open heart.

Sure, you may be going through a nasty divorce right now, or dealing with a recent death in the family, or recently lost your job, or simply feel completely alone in the world, but there can be pages and pages of things you can be grateful for even while going through such life-situations.

Your life could always be worse, trust me. 

You can be grateful for the house or apartment you have because it gives you shelter, security, and warmth.  Millions of people don’t have that.

You can be grateful for the food you eat.  Millions will go without eating today.

You can be grateful for having a job, even if you think it’s crappy.  Millions are out of work.

You can be grateful for your family and friends.  Millions don’t have them.

Your car.

Your bike.

Your pets.

Your couches.

Your bed.

Your refrigerator.

Your toaster.

Your $5 coffee you get every morning.

Your computer.

Your books.

Your education and school.

Your religion and church.

Your air conditioner and heater.

Etc.

The list can be endless.  Each little thing that you do have in your life, you should be grateful for.  Many do not have those things.

You can even be grateful for all the little things that go unnoticed by everyone.

Your lungs to breathe air.

Your eyes to see.

Your legs to walk and run.

Your hands to touch.

Your lips to taste and communicate.

Your brain to learn and understand.

Your heart that can love.

Your life.

Many do not have legs. Many do not have eyes. Many do not have beds, or cars, or a savings account, or a computer.  Many can’t read or write.  Many do not even eat everyday, or have fresh, clean water to drink. Many don’t have their parents around still, or get to communicate with their siblings, children, or friends.

Be grateful.  

Be grateful for everything.

Focus on what you do have in your life and let your heart become full of gratitude.  You are blessed no matter who you are, where you are, and what you’re going through.

I promise!

Look around and see it.  Look around and experience it.

Be grateful for your strength.

Be grateful for your courage.

Be grateful for your heart.

Be grateful for your power.

Be grateful for your dedication.

Be grateful for your truth.

Right now, get out a paper, or open up a blank document on your computer, and make a list of at least 20 things you are grateful for. Write as many as you can.  Make it a goal to do this everyday, even multiple times a day.  It will help you tremendously if you allow your heart to go into it.

Things could always be worse for you…

But it’s not.

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There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way. 

There is no way to peace; peace is the way. 

There is no way to enlightenment; enlightenment is the way. 

There is no way to loving  yourself; loving yourself is the way.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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This is a big question, but with a simple answer.

Let’s take a look.

First of all, there is no such thing as purpose in the manner you use the term or idea.  To have the existence of purpose would mean there has to be non-purpose.  After all, there cannot be the existence of what-is, if there isn’t the existence of what-isn’t.  For example, the concept of ‘tall’ exists, only because there is the existence of ‘short’ and you can define yourself by such differences, with various categories.

There is nothing by accident, nothing that does not have a place and a meaning whether it directly affects you or not, or whether you understand it or not.  Do you truly believe that everything else in the universe works in perfect harmony, except you?  Do you think there is this gap where everything else was given meaning, direction, and purpose while you were ‘skipped over’ and forgotten?  There is no so called “purpose” because everything in itself, as itself, of itself, is its own purpose. It is what it is, and nothing else.

You are doing your purpose. In fact, you have no other choice about this.  Everything just is, as it is, and always will be, until it is not.  A purpose is just a judgment. It is an opinion. It is a categorical placement and assignment of meaning through your own eyes, or the collective eyes of society, meant for one thing only – identification of not only itself, but also yourself in relation to it.  And again, we all define ourselves through the relation we have to what we are not. You will know yourself as “tall” only because you know “short”.  You will know yourself as “fat” because of the existence of “skinny”, etc.

You want me to give you a good quote to put on your mirror?  Here you go:  We are what we are, because of what we are not. 

When you are seeking a so-called purpose you are only seeking the response of another person, idea, or group in accordance with your actions, services, or self.  The feeling of not having a purpose is only stating that you are seeking to feel important in the eyes of something outside yourself, such as another person or group.  You want to be valued, important, cared about, and feel like you belong.  You want to feel like you are contributing and feel like you are needed in a way that your absence will make a drastic void in another’s life.  You want to feel that someone, or something else, is dependent on you for their happiness, their needs, their inspiration, or their life.

A purpose is only a hope or want of a better future, or a valid placement for the present, to maintain existence for the future; which is to say that the present isn’t good enough, and isn’t what you want, and the only chance of you feeling good, or feeling like you belong resides within some event in the future called “figuring things out”, “finding yourself”, or something similar. Lacking the feeling of having a purpose is a clear statement of lacking the present, or, lacking happiness in the now. Which is basically saying, you are lacking connection, presence, and happiness in life, and ultimately lacking appreciation, gratitude, and awareness of your own life.

You’re saying there is something more important, more special, more meaningful you should be doing, other than what you’re doing now.  You’re saying you should be someone else, other than who you are – as if there is some preset arrangement or plan for you and your life.  You are saying that you are a mistake, and until you become what you are ‘meant to be’, you are useless, and simply need to ‘grow into’ your purpose, or wait for its arrival or time when you ‘figure things out’ – then everything will be perfect.

There is only your lack of presence in your life now.  There is only the lack of the self.

You are not a mistake.  

There is nothing you need to be, except yourself. 

There is nothing you need to do, except live your truth.  Not the truth of others. 

When you are asking the question about what your purpose is, what you are really asking is, “What is the best use of my life?” 

The answer is simple.

The best use of your life is to be and do that which brings you joy.  The moments, actions, thoughts, and lifestyles which bring you the most joy – that is the best use of your life.

When you are experiencing joy, you are connected to who you really are.  

When you are experiencing anything other than joy, you are not connected to who you really are.

Pleasure comes from outside sources.  Joy comes from within. 

Seeking things from external sources may give you pleasure, but it will not give you joy.  Pleasure is temporary, addictive, and often times destructive. The money, the status, the job, the possessions, the friendships, the relationships, the house, the car, the jewelry, the clothes, the fancy gadgets, nor anything you could ever acquire as far as material or physical things can never, ever, replace joy.

Make it a priority in your life to quit seeking pleasures as a replacement for what is missing within you.  Stop seeking the approval, acceptance, comfort, and love from external sources as a replacement for your own approval, acceptance, comfort, and love of self.  Stop letting the outside world define your inner self.

Let your inner world define and create your outer world.  

Let your life experience become an exact replica of what is within you.

The truth is, you are already doing this.  Your outer world is already an exact replica of what is within you.  The experiences you are having, the people you are meeting, attracting (or separating from), the money you make (or don’t make), the job you have (or don’t have), and the life you live (or don’t live) are all the physical manifestations matching your inner beliefs, desires, and expectations.  If you ever need to know where you are at on the scale of things, simply look at your world.  It will tell you what is going on within you.  Coming to awareness of this is the first step in utilizing your power.

You are the creator of your life – no one else is. Whether you realize this or not, you are the creator of your own reality and you are creating your own reality at all times – in fact, you never stop creating.  Whether you consider your reality to be judged as “good” or “bad”, that is up to you…

And just as you judge, so shall it be.

Your purpose is therefore, to create. 

To expand. 

To express. 

To develop. 

Life is endless creation.  Endless expression. 

You must know that you do this by default anyway. There is never a time when you are not creating.  At all times, you are creating and expressing what you want – or what you don’t want.  The objective however, is to bring yourself to awareness so you are consciously aware of what you are creating in your life, instead of believing that life is creating you, while you are simply doing your best to ‘deal with it’.

Get into alignment with who you really are.  Get in touch with your true self.  Let go of the masks you are wearing, and let go of the expectations of others demanding and requiring you to be a certain way in their eyes, so they feel better about themselves.

Quiet the outside world, and go within.  That is where your truth resides.  That is where your peace resides.  That is where your clarity and inspiration resides. That is where your love resides. Within you is the only place where you can truly find the real you.  

The biggest and best purpose that can be self-assigned, is to give you back to yourself.  

Go within, and live your joy.

That is your “purpose”.  

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2. A Life of Action, or Re-Action. Which is Yours?
3. The Greatest Source of Unhappiness in Your Life

Want me to let you in on a little secret about your pain and suffering, loneliness, heartache, negative energy, and fear?

They only exist in your mind.

Nowhere else.

Events simply happen in life and the fact is, you can’t avoid these.  Things will always happen, and I don’t think anyone or anything exists in a state where change does not occur on a continuous basis.  You lose a job, you end a relationship, you struggle with money, you are presented with social and community issues, and just as you think you have things figured out, something new comes up and the cycle seems to repeat.  But while those things are simply just happening, your mind and programming are assigning the meaning to every little thing, which ultimately is creating your response to the situation.  And your response is the outcome of the situation, or basically, what IS the situation.  You assign the meaning of the event being bad, negative, horrible, disturbing, unsettling, or too hard to deal with. And do to YOU assigning yourself that meaning – that is what YOU experience.  Your emotions are simply your body’s reaction to your mind.  If you ever want to know how to you feel about something, take notice of your emotions, and begin to trace them back to their source – your thoughts.  What are you thinking about?  What do you fear? What are you hiding, covering up, avoiding, or acting out in response to the situation that is occurring?

Your emotions are your tools – your signals, your alarms, and your notification system directly attached to your control center – your mind.  And who is the one that is in control of your mind?

 You.

Whether you believe this or not, you are in control of your thoughts and your mind at all times.  However, some of you (most of you) are letting your mind control you.  This is not because it is stronger than you, and is some force that is not controllable or beyond your development or power.  It controls you because you allow it to. In fact, you prefer it to.  And so long as there is a force outside of you calling the shots, you feel you aren’t responsible.  And the idea that the mind is controlled entirely by itself as a separate entity, or controlled by some other forces (i.e., God, the ‘Devil’, Chuck Norris, etc) dissolves any responsibility within you towards your own salvation, even your own emotions (yes, including happiness).  This allows you to point your fingers elsewhere when something happens, instead of within yourself, and you can create, claim, and hold onto what most people treasure and protect throughout their life – a victim status – you really, the belief that things ‘happen to you’, instead of are created by you.

But the truth is, nothing happens to you – except you.

You are what happens to you. 

You are the creator.

You destroy yourself. 

You are your own worst enemy. 

In truth, we have all become our own demons.

But we alone are the only ones that can provide our own salvation.  No one else can do this.  Your spouse can’t, your boyfriend/girlfriend can’t, your family can’t, and even your God can’t.  STOP SEEKING AND DEPENDING ON OUTSIDE FORCES TO BRING YOU HAPPINESS AND “FIX” YOUR MIND, HEART, BODY, LIFE, and SOUL.  YOU are the one that has that power, and you alone.  Sure, others can help support you in this, but it comes down to you.  And it starts, with your thoughts, and ends with your thoughts.

 “What you think, you become” ~ Buddha

Your problems exist only in your mind.  Your conflicts exist only in your mind.  Your negativity exists only in your mind.  Your life situation will always be changing, will always have events occurring, and may always bring you challenges that you don’t prefer – you can’t avoid this.

What you focus on you feel.  What you focus on you experience.  What you focus on you become.  So really, when you focus on the negative, you will experience just that.  When you focus on the idea of being unsuccessful, unworthy, or not good enough, your feelings will match that.  When you think about being depressed, alone, hurt, or miserable – you will be those things.

Your thoughts feed your emotions.  Your emotions create your actions.  Your actions create your life.

It’s all about taking control of your mind.  When you are in control you can choose your path, and therefore choose your result.  With any situation you always control the outcome.  And by controlling the outcome of a situation, you in effect, control that situation. By not allowing negative thoughts to take hold and become your main focus point, you can control your emotions, and therefore, control your life.

You must become aware of yourself and your mind.  Through awareness, you unlock the greatest power and gift we have: choice.  But it’s not available unless you are aware there are other alternatives.  You must first truly want something different. Recognize and accept the existence of alternatives. Then choose.

You’d be surprised though at how many people are actually choosing their pain over happiness.  I’ll discuss that in another post.

Now, on to the next topic…

Usually when one proclaims their greatest truth, their greatest love, their greatest connection, and source of happiness, they are also proclaiming and announcing their greatest weakness, and pathway to complete mental destruction, with the same exact event, person, or situation.  This is most commonly done with relationships.

This is not because the situation or person doesn’t actually make you happy, but because of what you create the situation to be inside your mind.  And that is, you think and believe it becomes ‘you’.  You create an identity about yourself, using the situation or event as the foundation.  When you get into a relationship, you may create an identity for yourself that the relationship is now ‘you’, and that it is the source of your happiness, your salvation, your inspiration, your kindness, your lifted spirit, your motivation – and overall – your sense of self and your feelings of being ‘alive’.  But at the time you create this illusory identity, you have already created your own destruction, and the timer is set and not long before you feel it.  While you become more and more attached to this identity and depend on it more deeply and emotionally, you are pulling the slingshot band back further and further.  What happens when this relationship fails?  What happens when the source of this identity is lost, broken, shattered, or betrayed?  In fact, it doesn’t even have to fail – what happens when your partner acts in a way that upsets you, or contradicts the identity or the expectations you’ve created?  How quick are you shot down from your elevated status?  (Also notice how quick you are to point fingers to blame another for your happiness, or lack there of.  Where are you assigning responsibility for your own self-love?)

Dependency on an outside source for your identity, your happiness, your joy etc. is the most dangerous and hazardous choice you can make in your life. 

Most people call the part about becoming more attached to your identify, “falling more in love” with the OTHER person, which is a delusion.  You aren’t falling more in love with a person, you simply love the identity you now have (or think you have) and love the idea that this other person is the one providing it for you.  You become dependent on them for providing you with what you believe to be ‘self-love’ and happiness.

Most think that another person is what causes them to be happy (or sad), but that is entirely untrue.  Relationships don’t create anything new within you – they only bring out what is already within (the good, and yes, even the bad).  The happiness and complete joy you feel while you are in a relationship – that has always been within you.  And the shocker is, it is not the other person that is ‘bringing it out of you’ like many of you think (I’m sure you’ve heard the statement, “you bring out the best/worst in me”).  It is YOU allowing it to be brought up.  It is YOU bringing it forth and showing it off.  The problem is, you show it off not as expressions of YOU, but more as a manipulative tool to get more love from this other person (yes, in place of the love of self).  Hence why people feel absolutely devastated and dead when relationships fail after they reveal who they truly are and give “all of them” to the other person.  They feel the best of them isn’t good enough, worthy enough, attractive enough, special enough, or even right.  And that because this other person didn’t want them (and the ‘best’ of them) no one could love them, no one will want them etc.  If you weren’t dependent on their so called “love”, attention, dedication, and commitment to you, you wouldn’t be so devastated when a relationship ends because you would know exactly who you are and never feel that you aren’t good enough, because you know that is completely untrue. You wouldn’t need anything.

Need nothing.  Be grateful for everything. 

Most relationships are not based on love at all in any way, and are simply a constant exchange of fears and insecurities, battling each other out for attention, security, and comfort towards the holes they feel within.  Basically, a conditional trade system – “I’ll do this for you, if you give this to me” – back and forth it goes until someone betrays the system, then disaster.

That is NOT love.

With everything in life, we are doing one of two things:  Asking for love, or, giving love. And that comes down to the two main emotions (and motivators) we have in life: Love and Fear.  Which do you think your relationship is based on?  If you are dependent on your partner, or your relationship as a whole to make you happy, give you motivation, inspiration, make you feel loved, special, worthy, or help to create “who you are” – you are not in a healthy relationship (one based on fear) and are only asking for love.  The timer is set and eventually it will ring in one way or the another, and you will feel its wrath.  We’ll call these types of relationships, “Romantic Love” relationships.

If you are in a relationship where you freely express who you are (and are always encouraged to express who you are, even if it meant the ending of the relationship to do so), give endlessly without expectation of return, and share the happiness, joy, love, and dedication that is already within you at endless levels without the need for your partner to constantly provide you with a sense of more security, dependency, commitment, and attention towards your fears and insecurities – you are in a healthy relationship, one based on love.  We’ll call these type, “Real Love” relationships.

You want my summed up version of the differences between Real Love vs Romantic Love? Here you go:

Real Love vs Romantic Love

www.ilovemyself.net

 

Romantic love is blind. Real Love is a crystal clear vision of All Reality.

Romantic love believes what it wants to believe. Real Love sees what is.

Romantic Love comes and goes and breaks your heart. Real love never fails, through thick and thin.

Romantic Love is for now. Real Love is Eternal.

Romantic Love is based on need and desire.  Real Love is pure, and unconditional. 

Romantic Love is demanded and required.  Real Love is freely given and requires nothing. 

Romantic Love is forced, contained, limited, controlled, regulated, and used.  Real Love is natural, enjoyed, shared, given, and blissful. 

Romantic Love creates and maintains separation.  Real Love creates and invites unity and oneness.

Romantic Love uses, abuses, and reuses.  Real Love supports, provides, and offers more.  

Romantic Love is fear.  Real Love is truth. 

Real Love is often hidden under and obscured by Romantic love, and (if you are open to All Truth) is revealed when romantic love collapses and the heart shatters.

Romantic Love judges.  Real love makes no distinction between male and female, old or young, ugly or beautiful. 

Romantic Love exists from and is powered by choice. Real Love just IS, and always IS, and always will BE, no matter what.

Romantic Love leaves, abandons, separates, and gets divorced.  Real Love grows old together. 

Romantic Love gives up and moves on.  Real Love never fails, never quits, never gives up, never moves on, never walks away, and never fades. 

 

Love is not a tool.  Love is not a reward.  Love is not a means for you to get what you want at the expense of another, or yourself, through bribery, trickery, limits or conditions.

Love needs not be earned, only given.  Love is only love when it is given freely. Love is not love when it is expected, demanded, controlled, force, limited, used as a manipulative tool to fulfill desires or needs, or used as payment for services.

Love is only love when it is pure, without condition, limitation, or contract.

Love is a gift – for you – and for all.

Related posts:

1. Love vs. Need
2. How to Love Yourself When No One Else Does
3. Using Conditional Love on Yourself

Right now, you may feel like giving up.

You may feel that life isn’t worth it.

You may feel that life is nothing but a non-stop chaotic display of distrust, hate, lies, stress, pain, tears, and a miserable trap that seems to be targeting you.

You may be wondering why you can’t be happy – wondering why you can’t be at peace.

You may be feeling that you can’t go on anymore and that you have used up all your available energy in this battle called life – and you aren’t going to make it any further.

You may feel worthless, used, objectified, like a failure, and never good enough, pretty enough, perfect enough, or feel that your life has any purpose, direction, or meaning.

You may feel numb.

You may feel hollow, dark, cold, emotion-less, and feel like a zombie.  Although dead inside, your consciousness seems to run wild on a never-ending Ferris wheel of emotional and mental chaos.

You may feel that an attempt to stop this is pointless. But beyond that, you seem to reside in a state of unconscious mentality now – a state of not caring about life, yourself, or your endless supply of negative thinking.

You may even be feeling numb to yourself, perhaps even finding humor, comfort, simplicity, and attraction to the pain that once seemed to be attacking you, but now seems to be a part of you, bonding you together, and creating a Being of unity with what you once defined as yourself, and your demons that may seem to be replacing your sense of self, your identity, even your soul, with something new, something unnamed, something already dead – yet still living due to it’s constant hunger, need, dependency, and fulfillment requirements of negativity, chaos, and fear.

You may feel that another force, another entity, another being, another motivation and drive are just dragging you along – and although you may feel like you are alone, you know deep down that you are not.  The demons within are always there, progressing further and further towards obtaining their own identity, power, and personality within you.

Taking over you.

Consuming you.

The anger, the guilt, the hatred, the fear, the tears, the pain, the soul tearing numbness, the chaotic noise that rings endlessly amongst the silence of your day, the loneliness, the begging, the pleading, the thoughts and memories running over and over in a constant destructive loop in your mind and heart – you may feel that it is all beating you, destroying you, overcoming you, and taking control of you, leaving you feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore.

The simple realization that your heart is still beating can often contain enough apparent truth, depth, and reality to your mindset that invites in more pain, tears, and agony within you – usually felt at the soul level, while your outer appearance remains blank, unchanged, undisturbed and without displaying a hint of the epic battle going on within you:

The battle of the self – the battle against the self – the battle for the self.

You may feel that life is just so hard and that you can’t ever find a break from the pain, the problems, the troubles, worries, stresses and difficulties.

You may feel that being alive right now is truly being dead.

No matter what it is you are going through right now, whether it deals with a relationship, being alone, being abused, feeling like a failure, not accepted, not good enough etc. – your mind is probably destroying you.

You may feel that you can’t stop it.  

(Some of you may feel that you don’t want to stop it.)

If you are feeling anything like the above descriptions, in any way, trust me, I know exactly how you feel.

I’ve been there.

I’ve done more than just experience it – I’ve lived it.

I’ve been through just about everything you can think of:  From relationships beginning, ending, failing – even divorce – to deaths of friends, and family. Battling depression and endless rounds of therapists, being prescribed medication after medication. Even battling the urge for suicide – staring at pill bottles, knives, ropes, guns, and planning it all out – even multiple attempts through various mediums.  I’ve written the letters to family and friends saying my goodbyes. I’ve lost everything I’ve owned, all my money, status, and place. I’ve slept on the streets, in my car, and a lot of the time – not sleeping at all. I’ve searched for food in dumpsters and begged for change on the streets.  I’ve even been a participator in self-harm, carving words into my skin with a screwdriver or knife, or simply making cuts just to watch myself bleed.  I’ve lost jobs, been without money, and became a father at 19 yrs. old and struggled to raise a child in a broken family when I myself was still a child.  I’ve been around the drugs, the alcohol, the abuse, the fear, and cried more tears than I would ever want to admit in my life.  I know what it’s like to absolutely hate myself. I know what it’s like to feel empty, alone, and wanting to die.

And with all that I’ve been through, (which may be similar to what you are going through right now), I’m here to tell you that you can beat this – just as I did.  You can overcome all your pain, your tears, your miserable situations and heartache – just as I did.  You can be free from it all – just as I am.  You can be happy! You can experience joy in your everyday life! You can smile and feel endless gratitude for your life, and for life itself.  You can love yourself!

You DO love yourself!

Some of you may be very uncomfortable with that sentence / idea.  And your resistance to the sentence above is a clear indicator at how much you’ve become identified with your pain and your life situations – or better simply said – your pain has become who you are, your identity, and without the pain and your life situations, who are you?  Some of you may be holding on to your pain because it gives you an identity, a sense of self, and provides you with feelings of significance.  Also, if you quickly brought up resistance to the statements above, you also may have immediately started thinking to yourself that you truly don’t love yourself – you may have even begun listing reasons why you don’t.

You are easy to support, embrace, encourage, and participate in reasons to hate yourself – but quick to deny, reject, and abolish any reason to love and accept yourself.

Why is that?

Have you ever really and truly thought over those reasons as to why you hate yourself? Have you ever really evaluated them for yourself and pondered over them at a deep, deep level? Not the surface level where society resides – but the deep layers, where your truth is, that society tries to cover up.  I could bet that every single reason you gave was a direct result of the absence of an outside person, situation, or reality that you feel is directly affecting your happiness, health, and life.  And the only way to be happy, healthy and full of love – (so everything is “perfect” and you can be at peace) – is to obtain whatever is on your list.

For example, you may be experiencing pain and suffering because you are alone – or simply, not in a romantic relationship.  In your mind, if you had a relationship (whether one from the past back again, one you wish you had specifically with a person now, or even one just in general) THEN you would be happy.

You may be overweight and feel that if you were skinny, then you would get a relationship, you would be pretty and accepted, be popular etc. and THEN you would be happy.

You may be poor, and feel that if you had money – then you could buy nicer things – bigger things – get the relationship, the acceptance, the popularity, the gadgets etc. – THEN you would be happy.

It’s the classic ‘if = then’ statements – a classic trap that follows this pattern:  If I had/or was this – THEN I would be/or have that (which is always joy, happiness, excitement, peace etc. which is always an offspring result of Love).

If I had money, then I would be happy.

On and on and on….

The problem is that the “If = Then” pattern is never ending.  Even if you fulfill one thing, you can easily find another…

… just as we’re taught and programmed to do.

Our society is built and maintained on the idea that who we are, what we are, where we are, what we eat, how we sleep, how we talk, how we think, how we dress, who we date, and how we love and live are all wrong.  We are all mistakes, problems, and annoyances.  The solution for our lack of perfection however, is always found in external things – which of course, can be purchased and obtained.  The If = Then statements are not only suggested through our corporations and media, but through our society as well – even taught at the family level – Oh, and don’t forget Religions!

If you had this car, then you’d get the girl.

If you believed in ‘God’ this way, then you’d be saved.

Our society is built on the idea that happiness, joy, security, peace, comfort, love, and even the eternal salvation of your soul must come from, or depend on, external sources because you as you are now aren’t good enough, aren’t worthy enough, aren’t important enough, aren’t safe enough, and aren’t complete as a human being, until you are, have, buy, or obtain a certain product, image, status, or way of life.

This obsession with having and needing more, and more, and more is destroying us all.  No wonder millions and millions of people are taking pills everyday to find some sense of happiness and balance.

Everyone is falling for one of the biggest lies of all time– and that is that you are incomplete, unworthy, imperfect, and miserable unless you buy a certain product, become a certain type of person, or adopt a certain way of life.

When is enough, enough?

The desire to abolish pain falls under the same trap.  The belief that if you didn’t have this pain that is haunting you – then you’d be happy.  You may even feel that if you weren’t alive, THEN you wouldn’t be in pain anymore.  But don’t worry – our society has a cover up for that too – a product to buy, or a solution to fill the void (or ‘error’) that is in you.

You aren’t happy? Then here – buy this pill and take it.  Then you’ll be happy.

You aren’t happy?? Then here – buy and drink this alcohol – it’ll make it so you don’t feel the pain anymore. (Just like the videos and images you see in the commercials and advertisements.)

This mindset and way of thinking and living is destroying us all from the inside out.  It is a never ending trap that only encourages, reinforces, grows, enhances, and supports our pain.

Our pain is profitable.  

Beware of anyone that tells you they can get you to love yourself.  Beware of anyone that tells you they can provide it for you, or show you the way.  Beware of their step-by-step programs, their videos, their programs and seminars – they may be inspirational, good-hearted, and they may contain some truth and great advise – but they are simply distractions.  You already have what they are trying to tell you you’re lacking and searching for.  Sometimes the self help industry is a bigger supplier of emotional masks for pain than anything else.  It is bringing them a distraction from their pain.  Happiness and distractions are not the same.  A distraction from pain doesn’t mean you are happy.  Momentary distractions from pain only equal longer delays from real truth, from real happiness, and true joy.  Anyone that uses drugs, alcohol, or practices self harm to cope with their ‘problems’ will realize this.  Painting the walls a new color does not make the walls disappear, or change the fact that they are walls.  They are clearly there.  You may not feel the pain while the new distraction is there, but it is still there, waiting to come out and make itself known.  It has to be known, there is no other purpose for it.  Avoidance of pain is not the answer. Distractions from pain are not the answer.

People obsessively love the idea of loving themselves and will pay handsomely for it with their money, their time, their energy and emotions, and their life.  But actually loving themselves is sometimes another story.  There is no “way”. There is no “path”. There is no trick, secret, or special ability that needs to be acquired or purchased in a DVD, a book, or seminar.

For many, the simple pursuit of self love is an addiction, and one that they don’t want to give up, accomplish, or resolve.  The journey itself is what they love.  The challenge is what they crave.  Meaning, so long as they are constantly pursuing the love of self, they have something to do, they have a goal to reach, a mountain to climb, an obstacle to overcome, and a demon to conquer.  Sometimes the use of fear, negativity, and self destruction is meeting their need for significance, attention, validity, identity, and self-love.

Beware of anyone or anything, whether it be a single person, or an entire organization, that tells you they have found the way to happiness and that you must conform to their way of thinking, beliefs, and lifestyle to gain the rewards of happiness and peace within.  You don’t need to do anything except stop listening to everyone telling you what to do and who to be – and especially stop paying them for it.  That is the problem – the addiction and obsession with doing more and more to gain “happiness”.  Teachings that if you only acted ‘this’ way, thought ‘this’ way, and believed in ‘this’ and lived ‘that’ way – THEN you’d be happy.  Our obsession with doing more, having more, and attempting to be more is creating exactly what we are trying to overcome and break free of.

We have become our own demons. 

I simply want to help you realize this by making you aware of yourself, and give you the so called “secret” that no one wants you to know – that true joy, happiness, and love already resides within you – you simply need to go within and claim what’s yours and is already there.  I want to help you knock down and destroy the programming that everyone has thrown onto you your entire life simply by bringing you to awareness.

Salvation comes through understanding.  Being consciously aware.  Awareness is true power.  It is the lack of understanding that creates suffering.  Understanding is the way to salvation – the way to freedom – the way to compassion – the way to love.  The more we understand of ourselves, the more we are free.  The more we understand of another, the more compassion we have, the more acceptance we have, and the more happiness we have.

Understanding is the pathway to choice.  Choice is the gateway to freedom.  Freedom is the essence of the soul, and it’s what is lacking in most of our lives. 

If you are a long time reader of my writing and my site, you may notice that I don’t really give any steps to do, things to follow, or processes to worship and embed into your life, like some of the self help industry does.  That’s because I don’t believe there is anything you can DO to learn to love yourself.  That’s like learning how to make your heart beat.  How do you do that?  You already do love yourself.  You simply need to release the shell of thick programming society has forced upon you, teaching you to hate yourself.  Besides, it’s not about DOING – it’s about BEING.  Sure, anyone can DO things to make them feel happy.  Anyone can DO kind things to themselves or someone else.  But BEING kind, and BEING loving are much different than doing kind and loving things.  Anyone can DO, not everyone can BE.  Through conscious awareness and understanding, the choice is made available to you.  Which do you choose?

If = Then statements are a painful trap.  They are an addiction and they always circle around each other in a never-ending loop.  They are a clear belief that you are putting your salvation towards the future.  And if you are clearly stating that the future is where your salvation is, (your happiness, your peace, your joy) – then what are you saying about the present moment?  What are you saying about the now?  What are YOU saying about YOU?

You do not need their products to be happy. You do not need their way of life to be saved.  You do not need anything outside of yourself to feel complete joy RIGHT NOW.  You already have it, you already own it, and it resides within you at every moment, including the moment right now when you are reading these words.

Happiness is in the now.  Focusing on what you want and what you don’t have is always in the past or future.  No amount of being in the past or future will create joy.  Being in the past or in the future immediately disconnects us from our heart and activates the mind – the mind is based on the past and/or the future.

Get out of your mind, and into your heart!

Mental pleasure comes from outside sources.  Joy comes from within.  Joy comes from the heart, and it is available to you always, including right now as you are reading these words.  

We all believe we are obtaining joy through our relationships, our possessions, our status, our money etc., but really we are simply obtaining pleasure from those outside sources – mostly mental pleasure – aka, ego pleasure.  But the problem with that is the same problem that a drug user might run into.  You find yourself on a high that quickly turns into a low, and you find yourself needing more and more.  Enough can never be enough.  Your pleasures soon become your addictions. Your relationships, your money, your status, your cars, your possessions, and basically your entire dependency on outside sources, quickly becomes your addictions. And every addiction starts with pain, and ends with pain.  The item, person, or idea you are addicted to is only used to fill the holes within; it becomes a cover up – and one that you can’t get enough of.  But when the resources run out, when changes occur – simple or large – or when you are faced with the absence of your addiction, you are left devastated, destroyed, weak, and collapse when the support systems you attached to an external source for your supply of happiness are removed.

What you are addicted to is usually a cover up for your pain, but really it’s not covering it up, it’s helping to emphasize and grow your pain.  Eventually, you will feel its wrath.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, you will feel it.  Sadly, most are feeling it continuously, and are frantically trying to cover it up with more things and distractions – usually unconsciously – meaning they are so used to that way of handling things, they don’t even know they are doing it.  Most are constantly living their life in a state where they truly believe that if they had more money, more success, more possessions, a new car, a bigger home, a better relationship (or even one at all) or whatever it may be – THEN they would be happy (or be happier).  Never do they realize that what they are seeking is already in the one place they’ve never thought to look, and have never been taught to look – within them.

What I’m talking about is the same message that has been preached for thousands of years by every major and unknown spiritual and life teacher to walk the earth – going back long before Jesus and the Buddha.  It’s also the same message that no one listens to, believes, or practices:

Get back to your life. Get back to the present moment. Get back to yourself.

Resistance to the present moment is only an attempt to maintain your chosen identity – the one you believe is serving you.  This is a delusion and you are missing everything.  Rejecting the power of the present moment is only rejecting the self, rejecting opportunity, rejecting life.  Those times when you are presented with an opportunity to do something fun, something exciting, something positive that you know will create happiness and joy; but you deny it and choose to maintain your state of sad, quiet, lonely, depressed, or annoyed.  That is a clear sign of your attachment to the identity you’ve created from your pain, or your state of non-joy.

Are you waiting for happiness?  Are you waiting for someone to come into your life and save you? Fix things for you? Make it all better and right?

The worst thing you can do for yourself is to wait for happiness to show up – wait for love – wait for joy – wait for something else to make your life right and beautiful.

You’ll always be waiting, and the pain you create in the process of waiting will always be your friend.

If you are waiting for a certain person to show up in your life, a special relationship to exist, for the perfect job, the new house, the new car, the money, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the husband, the wife, the vacation to paradise, ‘God’, and most importantly – waiting for happiness, and joy – you’ll always be waiting and will never be fulfilled. You will be stuck in a constant state of chaotic addiction towards obtaining more and more worldly pleasures that only give you small glimpses of what you believe to be ‘joy’ while on your search for real, true, honest, and pure joy.

The real truth is – happiness and joy can never be found in the future; it can never be found in the past – it can only be found right now within you.

You are the one responsible for your life and space now; no one else is.  You may think others from the past created your life, your life situation, and are the result of your current mentality and ‘problems’, but that is incorrect.  You are the only one responsible.  No one else is.

Get out of your mind, and into your heart.

Most people spend their whole life not listening to the most important teacher and messenger they will ever encounter – themselves.  Start listening to yourself instead of corporations.  Start listening to yourself instead of other people, other groups, other ideas, and ways of life.  You don’t need them.  You need yourself.  We are all suffering from a massively common disease called, Lack of Self.

Listen to yourself.

Don’t just hear yourself – listen.

Go within, and listen.

I’m Shaun – just a spirit trying to be human… Thanks for reading.

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1. Where to Find True Joy and Happiness Right Now
2. Finding Happiness Right Now and With The Future
3. Finding Happiness Within Your Problems

Health is a major factor in your outlook on life.  It comes down to one simple idea:  eat positive = feel positive.  Eat crappy = feel crappy.  What you eat affects your energy, your emotions, and your overall health – including your mental health.

In August of 2009 I took a bet from some friends to be a vegetarian for 30 days.  I thought it was a stupid diet and figured I’d be done with it quickly and gain the reassuring experience that it was stupid.  But I gave it a shot, and to my surprise – I loved it.  I kept going another 30 days – loved it even more.  And continued with it even to this day – 2-1/2 years later.  I’ve lost around 50 pounds, have been sleeping better, experienced energy through the roof, and haven’t been sick once the entire time (no allergies, no colds, no flu, no bugs, no sniffling – nothing) and my depression and negative feelings seem to have disappeared.  Even recently as of 2012 I’ve become full vegan – where I don’t eat meat but also avoid dairy – meaning I don’t eat any animal products at all.  I feel better than ever and am loving this new lifestyle and don’t feel that I’ll ever go back to the lifestyle I had before.

I’ve done a lot of research over the years about the vegetarian/vegan lifestyles and have seen some major differences in what the mass media & corporations want you to think vs. what scientists, researchers, and universities find out.  Most often times it’s quite the opposite.

If you truly want to make a positive change in your life and break free from the miserable, depressive states you are in, lose weight, regain your energy and youth, and completely change your body and mind, you need to look at your health – and more specifically – take a good look at what you are eating everyday.  What you eat affects your energy, your emotions, and your overall health – including your mental health.  What you are eating may be killing you. 

A documentary was recently made that I encourage you to watch.  For those that are subscribed to Netflix stream service – you can currently watch the movie on there for free.  It’s called, Forks Over Knives.  Watch the trailer below.

“What has happened to us? Despite the most advanced medical technology in the world, we are sicker than ever by nearly every measure.

Two out of every three of us are overweight. Cases of diabetes are exploding, especially amongst our younger population. About half of us are taking at least one prescription drug. Major medical operations have become routine, helping to drive health care costs to astronomical levels. Heart disease, cancer and stroke are the country’s three leading causes of death, even though billions are spent each year to “battle” these very conditions. Millions suffer from a host of other degenerative diseases.

Could it be there’s a single solution to all of these problems? A solution so comprehensive but so straightforward, that it’s mind-boggling that more of us haven’t taken it seriously?

FORKS OVER KNIVES examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods.” [FORKS OVER KNIVES WEBSITE]

 

This isn’t just a diet – it’s a lifestyle.  And one that I used to mock and make fun of tremendously – until I tried it out for myself.  Now I’m a firm believer as it has totally changed my life – and yes, I stand by that statement, it has changed my life in incredible ways.  The debate over whether or not we are supposed to eat meat has gone on for longer than I’ve been alive and will probably go on for a long time until after I’m gone.  But the scientific research behind it all is massive and all points to one direction for optimum health – a whole foods plant based diet does not only prevent, but can actually reverse disease.  

Trust me, I know how stupid it seems. I know how many of you may be turned off by this kind of message – I once was the same way.  But if you are serious about changing your life, changing your body, changing your mind and recreating yourself – you MUST look at your health – you MUST look at what you are eating and the lifestyle you are living and supporting. 

Related posts:

1. Finding Happiness Right Now and With The Future
2. Where to Find True Joy and Happiness Right Now
3. Understanding the Power of Affirmations: Information, Techniques, and Tools That Can Transform Your Life

Are you stressed out, worried, scared, or anxious about something in your life that might happen? Is your mind running wild with ‘what-if’ questions?

Stress for a future event (whether known, or unknown) can be very destructive to your mind, and to your overall life. It can consume your entire day, and leave you feeling very fatigued, frustrated, depressed, or worse. Often times, your whole day can zoom by without you being a part of it much because your entire focus is on the future.

I’ve missed out on many things in life because I was so consumed with fear and worry about what was to potentially come, and the endless ‘what-if’ questions that stirred around constantly in my mind. Such as questions about the future with job security, relationship problems, money issues, social acceptance, family dramas, or simply questioning my place, my purpose, my value, or my worth in this life. This state of mind has a very detached feeling, causing you to feel very unorganized, helpless, chaotic, unbalanced, scared, stressed, fatigued, and most of all – alone, in a seemingly never ending supply of mental and emotional negativity that feels as if it’s attacking you at every level of your soul.

The best thing is that you can overcome this state of mind. You can destroy these miserable feelings, and alter your state of mind, your emotions towards your stresses, and therefor alter your happiness, your sense of self, and your life.

Stress is caused by being in the present moment (‘here’) but focusing on the future (‘there’) – whether the event is one to be nervous about, scared about, or even one you are excited about. Pain can be caused because you are now ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’ – or the other way – you are ‘here’ but NOT wanting to be ‘there’, and are nervous about what ‘there’ will bring. Your mind may swirl around endless ‘what-if’ type questions regarding your situation. This is also worry about a potential future, where your mind may jump towards the worst possible case scenarios, which of course brings the worst possible case pain, which you begin to feel immediately even though the event hasn’t actually occurred yet. Sometimes the pain of the unknown is the worst of all. Sometimes the pain of not understanding why a situation occurred is just too much to handle. The mind tries to figure it all out to understand the reasoning behind the event, the pain, and the chaotic mental and emotional misery – but this can often be an endless road that can go on for years and possibly lead to needing the assistance of professional counseling and medications. But in my opinion, stress is a result of being in your mind too much – and not being in your heart.

The solution (which happens to be the new main message of this website): Get out of your mind, and into your Heart.

Through all I’ve been through and experienced in my life, and through all the years I’ve spent writing and talking with others and trying to help them understand their life, their feelings, their problems, and their mind – I’ve come to realize that the mind is the ultimate problem. We are all suffering from the same problem: too much mind – not enough heart.

Life itself is happening right now. Your life is right now – in this moment, as you are reading this. You are not the past, nor are you the future. The future is an illusion, just like the past. You are using your life now, to worry and stress about the future. You are using that which IS, to stress and worry about that which ISN’T. You are missing everything, and aren’t able to smell the roses of your current daily life. In fact, you are so lost in your mind you aren’t even present enough to notice there are roses. You need to keep yourself in the present moment. You need to keep yourself in your life now. You should only use the past or the future for practical purposes. In most cases, this means only using the future as a means for preparation or learning – not allowing it to be a demon sucking away your life energy.

If you are becoming overly stressed and worried about the events of the future, the pain is only a sign of your disconnection from your life. You are feeling the pain from being disconnected from yourself. The more stress you feel – the more disconnected you are. The endless ‘what-if’ thoughts are a clear sign of this. What if you fail? What if something goes wrong? What if you don’t find anyone? What if you are broke? What if this or that? Whatever it is you are stressing over, worried about, or fearing – trust me, I know the feelings – I know the thoughts – I know the trap. And I tell you this from years of experience – it IS a trap… And you are missing your life in the process.

The other part of this miserable trap is that you are putting the salvation from your stress towards the same future event. What is causing you pain is also expected to relieve your pain. You may feel you just need to ‘get there’ or ‘get it over with’ to be relieved, saved, or comforted. But with the overall idea of salvation – you can never ‘get there’. You can only BE there – and you can only do so, right now – in the now, in the present moment. Besides – what are you missing while you are waiting to ‘get there and get it over with’? What is being damaged?

You are missing the experience of being in heaven while waiting for heaven to come find you, or waiting to find it, be shown it, or be given it.

Catch my drift yet??

Waiting for salvation to come in the future is a nasty trap, and it will only lead you down a long, miserable, painful road of disappointment, mental and emotional pain, or even towards psychological damage that needs professional attention or medications to cope with. The game of waiting, especially for long-term salvation (or happiness and joy), is a deadly game. And yes, I said deadly. Many people have taken their lives due to the pain associated with the idea that salvation will come to them – but it never does.

I was almost one of them.

If you are waiting for a certain person to show up in your life, a special relationship to exist, for the perfect job, the new house, the new car, the money, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the husband, the wife, the paradise, ‘God’, and most importantly – happiness, and joy – you’ll always be waiting and will never be fulfilled and will be in a constant state of chaotic addiction towards obtaining more and more worldly pleasures that only give you small glimpses of what you believe to be ‘joy’ while on your search for real, true, honest, and pure joy.

The real truth is, happiness and joy can never be found in the future; it can never be found in the past – it can only be found right now within you.

Get back to your life. Get back to the present moment. Get back to yourself. Prepare yourself for the future the best you can, and do so in the now. When the future comes, it will come in the now. And what will happen will happen. Most things in life you stress about, never actually happen, but the damage done to your mental state and health is shocking. Your stresses and worry may be focused on the ‘what-if’ questions, and I believe a certain amount of that “stress” can actually be motivation to help you in your preparations for the future. But when it becomes destructive and you are missing the present moment – aka, missing your life – then it has gone too far.

Your feelings are your tools, not your demons. Use them – don’t allow them to use you – let alone destroy you.

You should never, ever ignore your feelings even if they are negative. These are your truths, your guides, and your tools for which to craft and mold your life into exactly what you choose it to be. They are simply lights that flash during various situations in life as if to alert you that the way you’re thinking does not align with your true self or the highest version of you. You are the one that gives meaning to these alarms, as well as creates the actions taken in response. Your stress and worry about a future event is only your indication about a part of you that needs to be healed. Take notice of this, and ask yourself deeply why this pain has come, and why you are dependent on a particular outcome for the future to steady your mind, your heart, and your sense of self.

Get in the present moment! Get in the now! That is where your life is. Do what you need to do to keep yourself in the present moment. Meditation is the best tool, and it’s one I will strongly and passionately preach about from now on – the practice saved my life, literally.

And believe me, I know it sounds stupid to do. I know you may feel it’s only reserved for the weird hippies and spiritual nuts out there – but trust me, as one person that has battled severe depression for years, been on the verge of suicide countless times (even multiple attempts), taking endless mind numbing medications, and seeing therapist after therapist; meditation has been the best tool, the ultimate experience, and the ultimate way to reveal the truth that resides within me, and you, at all times: You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are powerful, strong, unique and a true gift. You have pure happiness, love, and joy within you right now at this moment; it IS you. Meditation allows you to unlock this truth, find it, and experience it.

But don’t just take my word for it, science is catching up and realizing that meditation is more powerful than our strongest pain medications. In a recent study, researchers found that meditation relieved pain by 40% where morphine only reduced pain by 25%. The scans taken after meditation training showed that every participant’s pain ratings were reduced, with decreases ranging from 11% to 93%. [link]

Again, I know how stupid it can sound. I know you might think this is just too simple, too indirect, or even just too pathetic to even mention as a tool to help you with your life situations. But I’ve been in the same position you are in, and have thought it was too stupid to even give it a chance and stick with. I felt my problems were too big, were too severe, and that I was beyond help from anyone, especially myself. All of that is completely untrue.

Sit, breathe, and just be.

The mind will always wander but if you detach yourself from it and just let it flow where it wants to, with time it will slow down and return to you. Through this practice, you will once again take control of your mind – as right now, its clear that your mind is controlling you.

Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take notice of your breath – follow it in and out. Allow yourself to relax. Also take notice of your heartbeat – follow its beat and pulse. Find its rhythm. When you notice your mind taking you over, just simply return to following your breathing. Turn on some music to help you relax. This is what I listen to first then when I wake up each day around 6 am for meditation:

http://grooveshark.com/s/Stargate+Invocation/3Qe84g?src=5

Also another favorite I listen to every day is this: (sounds of rain – best I’ve heard – it has meditative tones hidden behind it to help you fall deeply into a meditative state).

http://grooveshark.com/s/Immersion/3erqSc?src=5

You don’t need to sit down and zone out for an hour or two to get the effects. 10 minutes will do wonders sometimes. Just enough to help you center yourself, bring you back to the present moment – back to yourself. You don’t need to sit with your legs crossed – I use a short stool and have my legs folded below me as if I was going to sit on the back of my heels. Get comfortable in whatever position you’d like – keep your spine straight as best as you can. You can even do this sitting at your desk at work, in traffic, or while taking a bathroom break.

Relax. Relax. Relax.

It may feel stupid like you are sitting there wasting your time, looking like an idiot, and are only allowing the mind to torture you deeper and deeper; but trust me, give it time and continue to practice. Allow yourself to let go of your stresses for the future, and your pain overall. Start with only a few minutes each day and progress to longer sessions when you want to. Bottom line: just get started. Practice, practice, practice.

You can maintain a constant state of meditation – or presence – throughout your entire day, every day. Just be in the present moment. Relax your mind and body, and follow your breathing – follow your heartbeat, and when your mind takes you down a road you don’t like – acknowledge that you have taken a wrong road, and return immediately to your breathing – return immediately to yourself.

You’ve spent a lot of years, with every moment learning to hate yourself. Be patient and give yourself time to undo all that. It can only be done in the now, in the present moment – not through the past, or the future.

If you are turned off by such terms or practices as meditation, then do something else that keeps you in the present moment. Others go golfing, rock climbing, or some form of physical activity that keep their focused tuned to the present moment and towards their current activity instead of worries about the future and ‘what-if’ questions. But the best and easiest way is to stop what you are doing and just breathe. Get centered. Look at your life situations from a good mental state.  The future is an illusion and focusing on it can destroy you. Use the future for practical purposes; to learn, to prepare, to progress – but don’t allow it consume your present moment. Don’t allow it to consume your time, your happiness, and your life.

The present moment: That is where your life is. That is where your happiness is found.

Go within.

Get out of your mind and into your heart!

I’m Shaun – just a spirit trying to be human…

Thanks for reading.

Related posts:

1. Finding Happiness Within Your Problems
2. Where to Find True Joy and Happiness Right Now
3. Allowing Yourself to Let Go

Today might be a hard day for you because you do not have someone to love, or someone to love you.

But that isn’t true at all.

Look in the mirror.  What about YOU?

You can fill both roles!  You’re someone that can receive love, as well as someone that can give love. Give it to yourself!!

You more than anyone deserve your own love. 

Go within.  Love is waiting for you now.  Do not worry about the past situations that have been difficult for you.  Nor should you stress over the future which you believe contains your salvation. Both are illusions and are the causes of your current pain.

Your life is right now, in this moment, and you should treasure that.  So long as you are truly present, you will be free of pain.  You may be thinking to yourself that if you only had someone to be with, someone to love, and someone to love you, THEN you could be happy.  That is a delusion, and only a statement that you want the future and you don’t want your life right now.  Your life is right now; so such a statement is only stating you don’t want yourself, and your life right now.  No wonder you are in pain – you are rejecting yourself.  The future is an illusion.  You may think about someone that used to be in your life and now you wish you were with him or her still – but that is only wishing for the past, which is also an illusion.

Your life is right now. This moment, right now.  Not the past – not the future.  Right now.  Someone else is only something outside of you – and you should not depend on an external source for your happiness.  You can be completely full of happiness and joy RIGHT NOW as you are reading these words.  Let go of the past for a minute, and stop dreaming of the future.  Be totally and completely present right now.  Go within.  Breathe deeply, calmly, and let the mind trickle down like a gentle stream – just watch it – don’t stand in it and get washed away.  Just watch.  Just be.  Focus on your breath.  Focus on your body.  Feel every part of it; feel its aliveness.  Your toes. Your knees. Your legs. Your hips.  Your stomach.  Your chest.  Your arms.  Your head.

You are alive. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are sacred and unique. 

Go within yourself and experience knowing this.  Let go of the outside labels, judgments, comments and insulting remarks of others.  Let go of your need to have someone or something in order to feel complete, happy, and secure.  You already are complete. Let go of searching in the past or future for answers – you’ll never find them there.  Answers are only found within you right now.

Do something wonderful for yourself today.  Go outside for a long walk.  Buy yourself a treat, some new clothes, or a new pair of shoes.  Go see a movie you’ve wanted to see.  Take yourself out to lunch or dinner.  Buy some new jewelry.  Check something off your bucket list.  Do something fun and allow yourself to enjoy it, and smile. Do something to express gratitude for the most important person in your life – yourself.

Breathe.  Smile.  Allow.  And choose for this day, to be a happy day.

Happy Valentines Day.

Love is always the answer.

Related posts:

1. Allowing Yourself to Let Go
2. Where to Find True Joy and Happiness Right Now
3. 25 Daily Affirmations to Improve Your Self Esteem